How To Survive A Demigod
by Ale798
Summary: Welcome Demigods! My name is Katheryn and I'll be your guide today! Please follow me as I show you around the camp, and here are your pamphlets on the do's and don't's at camp. Feel free to read them as we tour the camp, this pamphlet is vital to your survival here. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Now lets start the tour.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Okay to those people willing to give this a try, thank you! Okay so a short explanation. So now that the gods have been accepting all their children, the camp is getting a little more crowded. So in order to keep the peace, the guys have made a pamphlet for all the new comers to read. In it is a list of tips on how to live in Camp Half-Blood with out getting turn into pulp, or ash. I kind of got the idea from watching Pitch Perfect, you know the part where she arrives at the university and there's always that annoyingly happy tour guide person? Yeah so she's giving you a guide and then gives you the pamphlet. So I hope you like it?**

Welcome to Camp Half-Blood!

The one place where being eaten by a hungry monster is not the first thing on your mind. Camp Half-Blood offers many different courses to it's many different demigods. From archery to spear throwing, we have it all, including professional trainers that will assist you in your troubles.

After all that hard training, people just want to relax. So come enjoy the view of our strawberry fields, or take a refreshing swim in our lake, not in the mood? Then come hangout with your friends by the camp fire and share the stories of your adventures.

Now do remember that we want ALL our demigods to have a good time, and although monsters aren't a problem, demigods aren't the most peaceful creatures either. So here are a few helpful hints to keep in mind if you want to live. They will be followed by examples of what happens if you don't listen. Brought to you by the leaders of our camp.

Just remember CAMP HALF-BLOOD.

_**C**_**onner and Travis Stoll are not to be trusted...don't trust the whole Hermes cabin-PERIOD! Especially the Stoll brothers.**

_EX. _Conner: Hey Drew!

Drew: What? *she walks over to him*

Travis: Woa! I have never seen an Aphrodite girl with chapped lips before.

Drew: What my are chapped?!*covers her mouth*

Conner: Here! Before anybody else sees you like this! *hands her a chap stick*

Drew:*quickly applies the content from the tube* Thank y-wo g-s...wa..wa?

Conner: Amazing what numbing paste does.

Travis:*laughing his butt off*

Drew:*lunges at the both of them*

Conner: Time to go!*Takes off after his brother*

_**A**_**thena is the goddess of wisdom, therefore her children will be the smartest kids in the camp. To challenge that is to have a death wish.**

_EX. _Random guy from the Apollo Cabin: I don't know why the Athena kids think they're such big shots. I mean I'm not from Athena, and I'm still smarter than half of them.

Annabeth:*Passing by and heard the idiot. Looks up into the skies* Mom? I'm ready to cash in that favor.

Athena: FOOLISH MORTAL! DIE!

_5 minutes later at the infirmary_

Chiron: What happened?

Grover: He said he was smarter than the Athena Cabin.

Chiron: Oh...carry on. *Calmly walks away*

_**M**_**anners are important**

_EX._ Leo:*snoring softly in his bed*

Percy:*shakes Leo awake* Leo. Leo! Hey so Annabeth's birthday is coming up, and I was wondering if you could make a music box or-

Leo: PLEASE GO THE F*CK AWAY OR I SWEAR I WILL BURN YOU TO ASHES! THEN I WILL ASK NICO TO BRING YOUR SOUL BACK SO I CAN BURN THAT TOO!

Percy: Okay but only cause you said please.

_Also demigods take their sleep very seriously so don't mess with it!_

_**P**_**eople, please respect other people's relationships! Demigods are extremely over protective, and will not hesitate to use you as a practice dummy.**

_EX. _Percy:*leaning against a tree, writing something down with Riptide in functioning pen form*

Annabeth:*walking towards Percy*

Random Guy:*steps in her way* Hey Annabeth, I was thinking maybe we could g-

Percy:*suddenly appears in front of Annabeth* Your next words better be get a colonoscopy.

Guy: Or what you'll stab me with your pen?

Percy:*Uncaps Riptide* Yup.

Aphrodite girl: Jason you're so hot! We would make a cute couple!*giggles flirtatiously*

Piper: Hey sis *Using charmspeake* go jump off a cliff.

Girl:*starts walking away*

Jason: Piper!

Piper: Fine!*shouts at girl* Never mind, just go throw away all your make up.

Drew:*witnessing the whole thing* YOU MONSTER!

Dude: Hey Hazel!

Frank:*standing behind Hazel, turns into a huge dragon, and taps his claw on the ground*

Dude: Have a nice day!*quickly walks away*

Frank:*turns back into his human form*

Hazel:*Turns around* What a nice boy.

Frank: Mmhmm.

**A/N So what'd you think? This is just CAMP I will be posting HALF soon, and thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think and whether you liked it or not? And if you didn't well...sorry. I tried. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Okay so here is the second part, HALF, and BLOOD will follow sometime this week. So the story will only be like three chapters long but I hope you lik them. Anyway read on!**

_**H**_**old you plans for conquering hearts and making dates until after both people involved have been claimed.**

_EX. _Leo: So that's how I saved camp with a pack of mints and some rope.

Lena:*laughs at his story* wow Leo you're really funny and creative.

Leo: Hey Lena I was thinking that maybe we could go watch a movie later on.

Lena: Sounds fun

Leo: then it's a date.

Lena:*a big red glowing hammer appears above her*

Chiron: Behold Lena Wilson, daughter of Hephaestus.

Lena: Well sh*t.

Leo: Damn so close!

_**A**_**lcohol is prohibited to demigods. SERIOUSLY NO ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SHALL BE CONSUMED! It's not because most of us are underaged, no who cares about that, its because demigods are already hyper as they are, and they play with WEAPONS! We'd really like for them to stay in control of their action_._**

_EX. _Conner: We should have a party, but not just any party, a freaking awesome summer beach party!

Travis: Well in our case it would be a lake party, but it's the same basic thing.

Percy: Cool, so when are we having it?

Conner: Tonight!

Piper: We can't organize a party in less than 3 hours!

Travis and Conner: *smile evilly* Oh contrare mon frére.

Piper: You do realize that you just said on the contrary my brother right?

Conner: What ever point is, we can so pull this off.

Travis: Hermes cabin! ATTENTION!

Hermes cabin: *appears in military formation*

Piper: I have a bad feeling.

_2 hours 15 minutes later_

Travis: Let's get this party started!

Piper: They actually did it.

Jason: yup. *hands her a cup with a red drink inside*

Piper: What is it?

Jason: I think it's kool-aid with rum.

Piper: Oh *drinks from cup*

_Early the next morning_

Grover:*hanging upside down tied to a tree branch* Oh my head.

Piper: Ugh why am I covered in mud?

Annabeth: You jumped into a puddle of mud screaming 'I'm swimming in willy wonka's chocolate river!'.

Percy: Who ripped apart all my pillow pets!?

Jason: Sorry man, they just kept staring at me with their black beady eyes.

**_L_****ove defeats all.**

Nico: Come back here Leo so I can kill you! *runs after a fleeing leo*

Leo: Never! Haha!

Nico: I will throw you into the depths of Tartarus!

Leo: Pipes! Help!

Piper: Umm...Oh I got it! Girls! Nico has tickets to the Bruno Mars concert! Let him feel the love!

Girls: *a bunch of girls rush over to him and start hugging him* Family Love!

Nico:*hisses* No! Love, my number one weakness!

_**F**_**riends are your best ally, but also your worst enemy.**

Percy: Hey Frank.

Frank: Hey, I'm not in the best of moods right now, so could you please leave me alone?

Percy: Absolutely not, what's wrong?

Frank: Well people keep making fun of me for my ethnicity.

Percy: So what? There are people out there who have it way worse! I mean I fought a pair of twins who were half bear half human! You are Frank Zang! Son of Ares, descendant of Poseidon! YOU CAN TURN INTO A FREAKING DRAGON! DO NOT LET PEOPLE GET YOU DOWN BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAID! The next time someone makes fun of you say OH YEAH, WELL THIS CHINESE CANADIAN MOFO CAN MAKE YOU A HUMAN SHISHCABOB WITHIN SECONDS! SO WALK AWAY SON!

Frank:*smiling from ear to ear*

Annabeth: LET IT GO! LET IT GO!

Random chick: OMG I can't believe you like Disney, that is so stupid!

Hazel: You know what's stupid? People like you who have their heads so deep into their ass, that they will do anything to destroy other peoples happiness! ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO MAKE ME WANT TO GO BACK INTO THE UNDERWORLD! But then I think, no. I MUST SHOW THESE SONS OF B* tches WHAT TRUE HAPPINESS IS AND THAT THEY CANT TAKE IT FROM ME! HIT IT ANNABETH!

Annabeth: CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!

Hazel and Annabeth: LET IT GO! LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!*turn and stomp away singing*

Jason: *eating pack of Oreo's in Percy's cabin *

Percy: *walks in* Hey...are those MY OREOS?!

Jason: Ummm...No?

Percy: DIE!

Jason: *flies away to camp jupiter*

Percy: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

**A/N So there it is what'd you think? Anyways see y'all next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Well this is the last chapter, thank you for reading, enjoy, have a nice day.**

**Breakfast is very important to Demigods...and lunch...and dinner...just don't mess with our food.**

Percy:*about to enjoy his blue waffles with a blue milkshake*

Jason:Jackson!*swipes his arm across the table and throws food on the ground* I heard you we're going around saying that you could take me in a duel. I challenge you!

Percy:*stands up* And the next thing you're going to hear is me ripping your intestines out FOR THROWING MY BLUE FOOD ON THE GROUND! *uncaps Ripetide*

...

Katie:Leo help! A Colchis bull is attacking camp and you're the only one that's fire proof!

Leo: Wait one second, let me finish eating my tacos.*continues eating his taco*

Katie: Can't you do that _after _you help get rid of the bull?!

Grover: Girl you _do not_ pass up taco eatin' time.

Leo: Mmmhhmm

Katie: But-

Grover and Leo: *take another bite of their tacos*

...

Nico:*eating his cheeseburger*

Random new kid: Hey why do you were so much black?

Nico:*continues eating, ignoring the new kid*

New kid: I'm talking to you!*slaps cheeseburger out of Nico's hand*

Everybody else: *gasps*

Nico: *glares at the kid. The ground opens up and a bony hand pulls the kid into the crack swallowing him whole. The ground closes back up*

Nico: I'd like a new cheeseburger please. *cheeseburger appears on his plate*

**Lessons are to be learned from mistakes.  
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*Apollo cabin rushes to treat the injured, while the Demeter cabin put out the fires and help clean up the camp*

Annabeth: Okay so no more twister allowed.

Jason: How about Monopoly?

Frank: Yeah sure, that can't hurt anybody.

_10 minutes later_

*Hephaestus Cabin start patching up the hole in the roof of the Poseidon cabin*

Annabeth: Thats it no more board games!

**Oreos are a gift from the gods! Anybody who disagrees will be sent to the depths of Tartarus!**

_There is no example. NOBODY disagrees about the deliciousness of Oreos. All demigods agree on this one, and we decided to put this in the pamphlet for you newbies who are insane and want to die. Cheerio!_

**O****ur childhood lives within us and seeps through our veins! We can never get rid of it, because we are it. So if somebody quotes a book we all read as a child, follow along and don't break character. If someone randomly breaks into a song from a Disney movie or a cartoon, just follow along. If you can't beat them, join them.**

Hazel: LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!

Frank: Hazel please not now, we promised Reyna we'd be done with this project for the Senate by morning!

Hazel: TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!

Frank:...

Hazel: DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS!

Frank: *shrugs* WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS!

_Early the next morning_

Reyna: Why didn't you guys finish the project?!

Frank: Ask Hazel.

Reyna: *to Hazel* Well?

Hazel: CAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, THERE'LL BE MUSIC, THERE'LL BE LIGHT!

Reyna: What's wrong with her?

Frank: I think she's suffering from Disney fever.

Reyna: Well how do you get rid of it?

Frank: You sing with her, until she can sing no more.

Reyna:...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, I'LL BE DANCING THROUGH THE NIGHT!

_..._

Will: Okay guys, we're going to be grouping into four groups. Any ideas how to decide?

Leo: Oh! Oh! I know! *waves hand in the air, frantically*

Annabeth: Yes, Leo?

Leo: All those who are courageous should join me in team Gryffindor! *pumps fist in the air*

Conner: I'm in, but we're team Slytherin. They're sneaky, ambitious, and are in it to win it.

Piper: There's no way in heck I'm going to be in Slytherin, there a bunch of cheaters.

Travis: Quiet, you Mud-Blood!

Conner: We would never take one of _your _kind.

Hazel: Why don't you just call it team Hufflepuff?

Leo: Hazel, please, the grownups are talking.

Frank: Don't talk to her like that!

Leo: _INCENDIO!_ *throws fire ball at Frank*

Frank:*dodges fireball* Alright that's it! *Lunges at Leo*

A big argument breaks out and people are seen battling every where.

Annabeth: Why can't we just have a normal game of flaming dodge balls?

Percy: Because we aren't muggles, we weren't meant to have anything be normal.

Annabeth:*sighs* So how do we break this up?

Percy: Imperio curse?

Annabeth: Hmmm, maybe some other day. For now I'll just go get the Sorting Hat.

Will: We have that?

Annabeth: One Halloween we had a Harry Potter themed party, and the Hephaestus cabin built a functioning Sorting Hat.

**D****emigods are not to be startled.**

Travis: *jumps out of the bush and screams at Leo* Ahhhhhh!

Leo: *bursts into flames and starts swinging around an axe*

...

Jason: *Flying towards camp Half-Blood*

Will: *Aims at a target, high up in a tree*

Percy: *sneaks up behind Will* BOO!

Will: Ah! *Let's go of arrow, way off target*

Jason: Hey look it's Percy...and is that an arro-

Will: Great now look what you've done! You made me hit a bird.

Jason: *Falls into a tree near Percy and Will*

Percy:...I was never here.*takes off running*

That's it Demigods, keep these tips in mind and you _should_ be just fine. Thank you for choosing Camp Half-Blood as your new home. Welcome!

_Brought to you by the leaders of your camp, if you have any questions... please feel free to ask Annabeth. If you come to us, all you'll get is a traumatizing experience._

**The End**

**A/N Well there it is guys, thank you for reading it. I hoped you guys liked it and ****if you are willing to, please check out my other story/ies. Thank you and Good bye.**


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